Dear Dad

Dear Papa

I find my self at the same old crossroads again. The staggeringly confusing crossroads I thought we, both you and me, had crossed long back. But maybe we had just taken a detour to avoid them and are back where we started.

Here we stand on two seemingly opposite, yet converging roads. On one side is me and my need to explore this vast world. My eagerness to learn more and more about this young person I see everyday in the mirror. My want to be treated as a some what grown up adult of almost 25, to be treated with respect by the same elders whom I respect, and yes, love.

On the other side there is you, my father, the man who has helped me through almost every step in life. Who despite opposition even from my own mother helped me follow the path I chose for myself. Who had doubts, but did not let them get in my way. He taught me things that could never be read in books, seen on television or heard on the radio. He took me on long winding trips through this universe. Unraveled in 24 years the world of the solar system, the birds, car engines, aeroplanes, drilling machines, furniture making etc etc etc.

I want a comfortable life. It’s the same thing that you want for me. I want to be able to respect the values instilled in me, you want that for sure. I want to make a name for myself in whatever I choose to do, you surely want the same too. Then how did we end up on the opposite ends? That too after all this while!

There was a time when I did not study, I did not value both my parents enough, did not respect the hardships they had faced to give me the life I had and make me a better person, and yes, it was the same time when I stole money even. Dark days I call them. But the sunshine days followed. I did start studying, of course you always felt that I could do better and that I just don’t do it, but I tried nevertheless. Never has a day passed that I don’t think of the days I wasted, the days gone by, and feel sorry for making you suffer through all of that. I tried to become a model daughter.

I did study you know. Things I liked more than the rest. But I did try to make you proud. I don’t know how to make you believe this, but I made selected friends, and the friends that I made in college are still my closest. You told me that I was in a girl’s college and had no business around boys any more, I realized it was true, and so it was. I did not have a single guy friend.

When did I defy you except for maybe when I wanted to meet friends and all, but that’s it?

Then IIMC happened. I was the happiest person on earth the day I went there because it gave me freedom. And not in the way that you think I mean, but a whole different way.

In IIMC, unlike Chandigarh, I met people who came from the most diverse backgrounds. I used to think that Biharis are morons, just the laborers who steal and all, the UP walas according to me were Bhaiyas, the people from down South were too serious, and Bengalis and Marathis I had absolutely no clue about. Here I met those people. Half of them could not speak in English, but they were smart and intelligent. I got to see a whole new world. A world that was not privileged and English speaking and polished. I don’t know if you can understand this, but this was a GREAT wonderful world. It was a world where girls did not talk about just looking good and the boys did not just try to talk to girls. Here people discussed politics like it was a living-breathing creature. People had opinions, they had read so much. I was awed by these people and I studied. I studied so that I could put my point of views in arguments.

It was great. I was amongst the top few students in class, in placement and mine was the highest pay package for an English Journalism student in the batch. Was one of the only two who started with reporting right off.

But in IIMC you were always scared that it’s Delhi, god knows what she is doing. I did spend money extravegently, and I am extremely sorry for that. I still regret spending so much money so foolishly. It’s unthinkable. Sorry. But besides that I did not do anything to put you to shame. Still I was always told that my behavior is like this and that. I am wrong here and there. And I really did not know what to do. I went off, with almost 8 other classmates to a professor’s house right next to the hostel, after taking prior permission from the warden, you got to know and you threatened to bring me back. If I was in JNU, (which you knew was the same campus, and is a very safe place, perfect for walks) you would blow your lid off. Why Papa? Why is it that you wanted me to just go from my institute to my hostel room? Isn’t the idea of going to a new city, a bigger city to explore all the new things. I did not roam outside on Delhi roads. I was always in campus, still you and mum did not feel secure. And I was constantly told that you had the power to bring me back home, with or without my consent. All those threats for no reason.

Anyway, Indian Express happened, and both you and mum were extremely happy and proud. The whole why can’t you work in Chandigarh thing happened for sometime, “Chandigarh ahs great opportunities and you’ll get t stay at home” logic was given, but you were happy to let me stay in Delhi. You supported me full time, full on. But then the problem with hostel happened.

That working women hostel was a hell hole. The girls fought everyday like vultures, three girls in one room, no privacy, no peace of mind. But I realized that your concern for my security was high. That due to the previously failed attempts to find a place, I could not stay in rented rooms with someone else, and somehow PG was a place you thought to be worse than the worst place for a decent respectable girl, even though almost 60% of the working girls in Delhi live in PGs. And even though I complained constantly and mum constantly threatened to bring me back to Chandigarh, I stayed put.

Then came the whole marriage thing. I could not believe that both mum and even you had started thinking of marriage for me. But then you told me that working girls are perfect marriage material. Everyone felt that I did not want to study anymore. That was it. One phase ends, the second phase of life had to start. Also, you felt insecure with the fact that a girl my age, working as a journalist is not good. What will people say, this period might earn me a bad name.

Then you gave me an escape route. Study again and no marriage talks for 2 years. I lapped up the deal. I studied. And thankfully, despite all the ups and downs, managed to get through JNU.

All this while, my lifestyle was an eyesore. You felt I spent too much money, I roamed around, I was too FREE with boys, I did not respect rules and the list is long.

I tried giving you my expenditure, explaining everything in detail, but there was a wall up in your mind. That she is not living properly. And almost every trip back home a fight was bound to happen. I was at fault no doubt. But no one was ever ready to listen to me too. I still can’t understand why at even that stage when I was earning myself, living alone in the national capital, pursuing the career of my choice, was I made to fear both of you. Why was I always told that we can bring you back to Chandigarh at the snap of our fingers. That your life is ultimately not yours, but ours to control, you just live it in the exact way that we dictate you to. Even my assignment timings, which was never in my hands, was questioned. A trainee, I was asked to refuse assignments. Because you both were not comfortable with the timings. All journalists have to go through the grind.

I don’t know, maybe if I make you talk to one of my colleagues will you realize how much pressure I was under when you told me to either get through JNU or come back to Chandigarh. Chd has no growth scope, but Mum did not understand this. There was the marriage deal that truly scared me. Those were very terrifying days, without exaggeration, and they made me desperate to study.

But was that right? To have bullied me like that? I am not putting any blame at your door, it was sometimes you sometimes mum, but finally it came down to PRESSURE FROM HOME. I went crazy, berserk.

Then thankfully JNU happened. My final ticket to freedom. NO marriage talk, the best university and course of my choice, I was old enough to be considered an adult finally. And I am being treated like one. NO one comes to keep a tab on me, I am myself. Life is great. I am settling in, room is a problem but seniors are great and helpful. If IIMC was eye opening, JNU was truly a mind opener. So much diversity, such intelligent people. More than anything else, safety. Complete ease of being normal with people because they are more interested in preparing for IAS than trying their luck with classmates or going out on dates or looking good and stuff. If you study, you are a rock star. Wearing good clothes doesn’t count and that’s a great feeling. People are truly unpretentious.

1^st semester ends and I am more than excited at the prospect at coming home. Also because I feel that things are getting better between me and mum, and me and you. I tell both of you about my friends, I can tell you about all the stupidities we do on campus and such things without fearing that anything will be taken otherwise. And then BOOM. You drop a bomb. I am overfriendly with boys, I don’t know my limits. That picture which all of my friends like so much, the same picture, you allege if anyone sees will make people think is flirtatious.

That I am not normal, that I am hyper with friends, that I don’t respect you, that I will earn a bad name for myself.

I DON”T GET IT. Its friends. Friends who have been together for 3 years almost now. They just don’t happen to be all girls. But why is that such a problem. Loose talk??? Just because we crack jokes and laugh with each other doesn’t mean that it’s loose talk papa. At 23 my aim in life was not to go flirting with boys like a teenager. Not all boys and girls who are friends want to have affairs with each other, not all of them want to indulge in silly teenage crush pranks.

I really wish you could understand that. I am a happy go lucky person. And yes I am not a reserved and cautious person like both you and mum. But I have learnt my lessons in friendship from both of you. I have taken time with friendships and maybe that is the reason that I have a few but friends I can count on anytime of the day. But dad please try and understand that it was not my intention to be friends with these people because they happen to be guys. Friendship between all of us happened because we have similar tastes, aspirations and dreams. Because we respect where each of us comes from, and most importantly, because each and everyone of us is very different. Each one helps the other person grow. It is not a matter of being a girl and boy, it’s a matter of being friends. Simple.

Maybe the world that you grew up in was complicated in this sense, but you made things simple for me. You told me that friends are friends. You yourself never had problems earlier with any of my friends, you helped me be an open person. I tell you about any and every person who holds the slightest place of importance in my life.

Then why this insecurity Papa? I am not doing anything that you would not approve of, yet you think that I am always up and about breaking rules and disobeying you. Why is that I have to write such long mails trying to make you understand how things have shaped up? What can I do to make you realize that I am not going to go run off with some tom dick or harry and soil your name in the society?

Dad I am not as old or as experienced as you, can never be as smart as you either, but Please, please give me some credit for being a somewhat sensible person.

If I like a guy, you both will be the first people to know. I have no one else to tell this to. And I don’t know what makes you say that you don’t have absolute faith in me, the truth is. Honestly if I try any harder at being the perfect daughter, I won’t recognize the person I am. I have tried in every possible way to not let you or your name down. Please tell me what else can I do? Because I am at my wits ends. I seriously don’t know what will make you feel secure with the fact that your daughter is not doing anything you would no want her to do in Delhi. Yes she is friendly, but she does not indulge in any kind of activity that can be termed as loose behavior from even a stranger’ point of view. Please tell me because I don’t know how to put your doubts to rest. PLEASE TELL ME…

I had thought that the place I was in, the age and all I could be careful yet go my way, but I understand your concerns and you will not have a problem, I will be a little reserved from now on. Do tell what else can I do to put your fears to rest.

Papa you are the only people I have. I love both you and mummy. I do not even in my worst nightmares, ever, wish to hurt you.

Entrance mania- A fight of existence

Mine is a dilemma many girl’s this age face. 23, working, independent , but unmarried. While the world has grown to be more modern in a matter of saying, things seem to be at a standstill for us women even today at times. The details and stats look useless when faced with the harsh reality of existence in an ever stuck up society. No doubt that today we have more options than our mothers did. My being a journalist, considered to be a complete male domain previously, is proof enough. But the point still remains the same. Have things changed enough?

One sweet evening, on a weekend visit to my home in Panchkula, Chandigarh’s satellite city, while talking about things like job, people, future and all, my parents dropped a quiet bomb. A bomb that shook me to the core of my existence. A bomb that has me reeling under its impact till date. It had been hinted before that job means an end of studies, a proof that everyone needs to attach to a girl that now she is able and secure in the world, is earning her own money, is independent enough, yet tamable still, coz she is young, and hence, a prize-fattened sacrificial lamb for the marriage mart.

“Beta hamari society aisi hi hai. Humnein aapko poori freedom di padhne ki, apna career choose karne ki, jabki hamare yahan to ladkiyan journalist nahin banti, because it’s not a good industry na, sabne oppose kiya yet we stood by you, and now that you are working so marriage to karni hi hai.” That came form my mother who herself during her show the girl around to eligible boys, for marriage, scared them and their mama’s off by either scolding them or better still, by pretending to be cock-eyed. That when she had the most beautiful, big eyes an Indian girl can dream off!!! The same mother told me that now I am old enough, educated enough and anyway, the older a girl gets the difficult it is get a guy and then for the girl to adjust.
Another factor came to the forefront. Girls like me, staying away from home to pursue a desired career aren’t a safe proposition. Girl’s should stay under the wings of their parents and then should get married. The in between situation is very dangerous. Anything can happen (read guy friends, affairs, they still can’t imagine sex, so lets leave that out.)

My father as opposed to my mum saw the situation a little differently and gave me a way out, more of a buying time strategy for me. “The problem is that you’ve stopped studying. Now that you’ve already worked for a year and more, why don’t you study some more? That was anyway always the original plan of yours. But we won’t let you do just anything, anywhere. You either study in JNU or Jamia, or else you come back to Chandigarh. Then you want to study here or work, it’s up to you.”

So basically, they were totally paralyzed by the fear of unknown, vis-à-vis their only daughter staying away alone, and they chickened out. They could not stand the pressure from their respective cliques, “Aapki beti akeli dilli jaise shehar mein rehti hai. Arrey Chandigarh bohot modern hai, bohot opportunities hain. Use vahan mat chodiye. Pata nahin kya ho jae,” being the gist of all the will-wisher’s talk.

So, here I was, hyperventilating on 16th May, a day before my all-important life and death exam, JNU’s MA in Politics with Specialization in International Relations. It is supposed to be the best possible IR course in India. Some 10,000 odd candidates comprising of pol sci graduates, IAS aspirants largely forming the rank and file. That for a person like me who forever had her nose in a book, classic literature or romantic novels, who always ignored the political news, didn’t even know the names of all the Chief Minister’s of the different states in the country till last year, was like climbing Mount Everest and then going for a swim in the English Channel. That and much more.

So, that should explain my predicament, and then I took the decision. I will take a month’s break from office and dedicate it totally to the task of preparing for this all encompassing exam. Office is a friendly place at most times. People get leave easily if you want to pursue higher studies. So, after a little reluctance and cross questioning my boss grants me the leave.

Now I got scared with what to study. Clear-cut, regular incursions into the world of the 5 yr question papers from 2002 to 2007 clears out a pattern. 5 questions on recent current issues internationally with regards to India’s foreign policy and it’s take, and also identity politics, democratic politics, religious politics, caste politics etc, then 5 questions on history, World Wars, Cold Wars types, 5 questions on global economy and 5 questions on things like UN, NAM, Gandhian philosophy kinds.

I realized, history is interesting but can’t be done in 20 days, same goes for economics minus the interesting bit though. My best bet I felt was current affairs and foreign policies since the time of Nehru. I read book after book and did get intrigued. So, besides that how can I not mention the hours spent checking BBC World site for news, backgrounders and god knows what not. Made full use of office stationary and printer I have to say during that time.

Then I realized my crammed hostel room with two other ‘inmates’, that’s what we are referred to in all official documents of the hostel, was getting on my nerves and I was slipping back in the habit of reading novels. So I took the opportunity of going back home and studying in the lovingly familiar surroundings. But home was another story altogether. My mother was on a South-India trip with her friends, dad had to go to Mumbai for office work, so I became the guardian of my just-getting-over-jaundice 15-year-old cousin and grandmother (they stay with my parents). Dad was relieved as I could take care of my sis, and he would be hassle free, but life became a cycle of getting up early, preparing juices and glucose water, getting fruits and salads ready for tiffin, giving breakfast, then driving my sis to school, getting back home, study, sleeping a bit or just lying down after a sleep of 4 hours at night, study, getting her from school, study, have lunch, study, chit-chat, study, have dinner, watch TV, study and finally sleep.

After full one week of that bullshit I got tired, the day before dad was to return, I dropped arms and returned to Delhi. Then began the usual trips to Barista, (have been studying at that joint for 4 yrs now, be it in Chandigarh or Delhi), study, go to JNU and study. All throughout my partner in crime, my wall of support, my punching bag, my mood-swing bearer and my ultimate source of knowledge and study material Saurabh, gave me refuge in his JNU hostel, Brahmaputra. The pan wala, omlette wala, magi wala, coffee wala, all know me by now, after 17 days of hounding those guys with my ever there presence.

Talked to an MPhil student of IR and he gave a few more questions to prepare. Life felt good. For the first time in my life I studied, studied like hell’s fury would break open if I didn’t. I enjoyed studying and couldn’t care less that I had started resembling like a little French man coz of the growth of Moochi on my upper lip. Life felt good, I had a purpose in life, and I knew I was preparing well.

Anyway, back to the 16th now. Studied all day, knew my answers and the matter and felt confident. Didn’t sleep at all, or rather couldn’t sleep at all, and then morning dawned with the hint of a clear sky and sweltering sun. Got dressed and decided I can’t do anything more, so lets go to Barista. It was a strange experience. Trying to feel the warmth, the ease and the calm that always envelops me every time I walk into that familiar orange walled café. But not so this time. All through out I had #$@*&! much more than I should I did so despite the heat. Just to compose my jingling-tingling insides under control. Felt I wanted to puke, felt I wanted to go shit. But even those basic of human activities deluded me.

So I bade good-bye to my long-standing friend and prepared my self for the 3 hour, life-changing battle. Stood outside the center, and #$@*&! one final time. The guys around me though got a cultural shock, they were the seedha saadha types. But I couldn’t have cared at that time. Then after a long hug and much-needed wishes of luck I went in. Reached room no. 116 and saw that I was the first in the row. Fair enough, no point in even thinking of cheating in such a competitive exam.

Sat down and prayed. By the way, although I don’t pray regularly I do feel a proximity to Ma Durga and kept a constant chatter with her throughout the preparation. Kept making promises and such things so that lady luck smiles on me. Anyway I prayed one last time, stopped thinking and then saw the question paper. First page, of 10 questions, and I wanted to CRY. I didn’t know a single question well. Not even a single question from foreign policies, international issues or so. No ten years of Pokharan, no Indo-Pap, no terrorism, no nothing. I turned over and heaved a sigh of relief. Thank god I knew at least 4 out of 5 questions decently well. They weren’t the best one’s prepared by me, but I decided to put my current knowledge, my feature writing and 3 yrs of sociology to use.

At first I had thought my paper would get over in around an hour, but as I began to write, rhetoric and twisted writing won the battle. The answers I thought I would complete in 4 sheets took 7 to 8 pages. I felt better. Didn’t feel suffocated, on the verge of tears. By the fifth question my hands were aching and the forefinger had a blister, out of practice being the reason, the keyboard was now my best friend as opposed to the pen, but I persevered, and wrote some innocuous 4-page answer. Then I stumbled out of the room, out of the building.

Saurabh was as surprised, and might I add scared as me. I told him that this way I am never getting through. I might not go back to Chandigarh, but pitch my battle tent in Delhi, but JNU will delude me. He told me to keep faith. And just like that my story, my one month of hard toil, labor came to naught. It was an anti-climax. A sickening anti-climax.

I am nervous, a wreck as of now. Every time someone mentions where I have been or how was the paper I feel suffocated and very sad. What if I fail completely? What if I don’t succeed? Will this mean that my happy free days in Delhi are over? I know I’ll fight, but if I don’t get through, then there is some tough sailing predicted for me.
So now I am back to the office grind, still not used to it though, but happy. Content that I studied and gave my best shot. That is something new. Knowing that I studied. No guilt over not studying. But just one last thing. My friend was right when he said, “JNU and randomness go hand in hand. What else did you expect?”

Children of Gandhi: another meaningful story that didn't see the light of the day...

"Christ furnished the motivation, Gandhi furnished the method"- Martin Luther King Jr.

Gunjan Sangwan

In the unknown, quaint village of Pelyorinho in Brazil near the city of Salvador de Bahia, on a cobbled, battered old street while passing by the innumerable white washed houses don't be surprised if you chance upon a small placard declaring the name of the street as ' Filhos de Gandhi', Children of Gandhi. If you keep walking you can also spot a church by the same name. Yes, a church with that name that has its own white robe, blue turban clad contingent in the Rio de Jeniro festival!

Even if it sounds incredible at first, it happens to be motivational factor behind a man's tryst with Gandhi, the father of our nation. So much so, that today, the same man, 32-year-old Delhi-based documentary filmmaker Shailendra Uniyal with his friends Janhavi Prasada, an independent documentary filmmaker herself and Anup Sharma, a web designer has created a virtual museum on Gandhi, www.childrenofgandhi.com, which was launched by Archbishop Desmond Tutu in Cape Town on 7 th December.

Targeting the global youth, the project chronicles almost thirty stories of people like Nelson Mandela, Archbishop Desmond Tutu, Martin Luther King Jr., Greenpeace founder Rex Weiler, Kwame Nkrumah, former Prime Minister of Ghana, Former President of Zambia Kenneth Kaunda, showing how it was Gandhi and his philosophies that inspired each of these people and organizations in fighting their battles.

"It is about Mahatma Gandhi's global legacy. The idea took root on a trip to the forests in Peru some three years back. My guide during the expeditions asked me about my native land. He was an uneducated man who hardly spoke English, Spanish being the native language, so when I told him about India he couldn't place it on the map. I then showed him a 100-rupee note and to my utter astonishment he immediately remarked, 'Oh, you're from Gandhi's land.' I was stumped. A man, who doesn't even know the name of his own President, not just knew about Gandhi, but also recognized him. That was when I realize how truly global was the appeal of the father of our nation." Opines Uniyal.

Though initially he thought of making a documentary film, once the stories started unraveling the team realized the true potential of the project. When they did start looking around, what fascinated them was that there was a tale inspired by Gandhi in practically every nook and corner of the globe, right from USA to Argentina, Palestine to Ghana. Also, they wanted the project to a long lasting impact that wouldn't have been possible with a documentary film.

Annotates Prasada, "We wanted to promote peace as a way of life. Documentary films though are interesting don't have the scope that Internet has. That's when we decided to work towards putting together a museum on the Internet. Also he participation of people was possible only through that medium. We've targeted the youth all across the globe in this project as they are the people who matter the most and are influenced the most today."

Although Mahatma Gandhi inspired a whole generation of freedom fighters and thinkers, from Einstein to Martin Luther King Jr., Nelson Mandela to Desmond Tutu, truly how global his reach is, we the people of India hardly realize. His relevance in today's world seems to be more than ever before. In India everything has a symbolic importance and it's this notion that the Children of Gandhi is trying to fight. Peace and non-violence for them is not relevant only during war filled, turbulent days, its pertinence gets multi fold especially during the peaceful days. The example of Greenpeace being the best. "In 1971, Rex Weyler, founder of Greenpeace, set sail with a few activists from Vancouver in Canada in a small boat to protest against underground nuclear testing in Alaska. Though their boat was intercepted, the initiative created environmental awareness like never before and Weyler told us how his team follows Gandhi's tactics of staging dramatic yet peaceful protests. It's to show that people would place them in harms way for a principle." Explains Uniyal.

But the path to putting these stories together and getting interviews, their writings et al, was not easy. They faced their bad days when even after innumerable phone calls, emails and personal visits they couldn't get to speak to many of Gandhi's ardent fans and followers. Prasada narrates one such tale. "There was a man in Argentina, Mario Marcelo who has set up this Community Service Bank. A bank that works without money and uses the working hours that people contribute as the currency. Marcelo started the project because of a detailed study of Gandhi's ideas wherein he had called on for a formal economic and social system that depended not on massive scale production, but on production by masses. It took us almost 2 years to track him down and get an interview from him. But in the end, it was all worth it."

The project was launched in Cape Town as the team felt that South Africa had a significant symbolic relevance in making Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi Mahatma Gandhi. "He started his struggle for Nonviolence here and it was in South Africa that he faced his first most brutal discriminations. That was why we wanted it to be launched here." Smiles Uniyal. With a peace workshop to be held on 30 th January 2008 in Delhi that will include children from 30 conflict zones from all over the world, the site will soon be launched in Hindi, French, Spanish, Arabic, Tamil and Telugu too. They also plan to provide schools with Peace kits, a package of these motivational tales with various other write-ups.

Even today if you go to Bilin in Palestine you will find a wall full of Gandhi's graffiti on it, a symbolic wall that the people of this village fought over with the Israeli forces. Each household in this village keeps a picture of Gandhi, as he is their hero.

Just like that..can u help me here?

Ok, a close friend provoked me into thinking about this and now I am. Why do we have to give a logical reason to every liking or disliking we ever have?
I like chocolates, why in god’s name do I have to reason it out as something that “makes me feel up-beat, helps beat stress, depression” etc etc. I just don’t get it. Why?


The same friend doesn’t like long cars, the esteem, and Ikon types. I happened to have questioned him, why not? And all I got as response was, “I just don’t” I couldn’t believe that an adult, a usually or lets just say most of the times rational adult gave me an answer like that. An answer that was just a statement and came with no instruction booklet in the form of Reasons!
But why did I expect an explanation in the first place itself? Are we programmed in that fashion? Is it that we like to over simplify things at times? Just so as to think that we are not mad, but sane and the rational (I think I hate that word now!) adults our parents reared up us as? Is that the root cause?

Or is it that we are scared of baseless likings n disliking, the kinds that come without a reason. Because I have no idea if you’ve ever noticed, but these irrational liking and disliking are often much more intense than the reasoned out ones. I hate someone with a vengeance, but I’ll never be able to put a finger on it. Why? Don’t know, but hate I will.

Also, does placing a reason behind every move and motive make us feel superior to others in a way? I mean I don’t know, say for example if I tell someone I don’t like walking and someone gave me a scathing, perfect and full of condescension answer on the benefits of walking, that too in full public eye! I would feel totally, absolutely, completely embarrassed. Mortified actually if I am honest.
All for what, to what end? That is my question, or lets say is one of my many questions!
Have you ever realized how much of energy we end up wasting in this quest of placing a reason behind every whim and fancy of ours?

I have this to say: If there were no reason, to anything under the sun, wouldn’t we be living in a rather chaotic world to say the least? As in if my friend tells me she hates taking a bath and won’t do so for, say 2 weeks, that’s gross enough, and then if she doesn’t furnish the explanation either, then I know I am going to not just get supremely frustrated, I would and it’s a promise, make some lesser being’s (some compliant, soft, nice person is what I mean by lesser being here) life a living hell! Unlivable. So where dose that put us? Did I get my answer?

Also, is it always imperative to get an answer to every query that raises its queasy head in your head? Is the answer always that important or the whole process of thinking over something that is going unnoticed around us, like the reason thing, more important for our being and life?
Think and let me know. Don’t forget to give me a reason for each pro and con.

is it only women, or do men also love gossiping???

Ok, so here i am on a Saturday, my official off, in the office trying to figure out what went wrong with my laptop and what the fuck are the IT guys in my office trying to do with it. So finally after waiting for close to three hours, a pizza and two diet cokes down, i go down to the IT section to check on these guys, and what do i see? The only folder in my laptop which has a couple of my diary entries, is open, and that jerk is busy reading it!

I mean how is it that out of all the data, almost 45 GB he lands up with that one teeny meeny folder open? is it that men are equally inquisitive about whats happening in other people's lives? Is it that even they have bellyaches if they don't tell their buddies about the latest 'News' they heard in office?

If that is the case, then why is it that only women are labelled as gossipers, or lets just say that, when we women sit down to discuss our concerns with each other, these men act all high and mighty, make a face and tell us to grow up or stop nosing in others' lives, when the very next minute they want to know what we were talking about. Hypocrites to the core.

Now take the case of my closest friend (atleast he tells it all without wanting to look good). He discusses his friends with his other friends, my friends with his friends, and all in all when you tell him to stop acting like a woman, I am told, "Its just guys having a good time". so, the moral of the story is? Men are worse gossipers b'coz they don't accept that they love gossiping and their gossips lead to greater trouble b'coz they don't know how to protect their asses when gossiping. They just are so easily traceable and quotable.
Lord teach them the ways of us women, or give them the power to be what they are, Men.

An exclusive interview with Shyam Benegal which my editor felt didn't match up to our page and also because according to my team, he isn't important!!

Over the years many ad men have joined the film industry as actors, directors and all, but none of them can hold a torch to the man who did almost six hundred ads before turning director and then single handedly ushered in the era of New Age Cinema in the 1970s and 80s. Honored with the Padma Shree and Padma Bhushan, he recently received the most coveted film award, The Dada Saheb Phalke Award for 2005. We are talking of Shyam Benegal, the director of path breaking films like Ankur, Manthan, Nishant, Sooraj ka Saatwan Ghoda, and the unforgettable television series based on Nehru’s book Discovery of India, Bharat ek Khoj.

Q. What was your first reaction when you received the award?
A. Initially it came as a surprise, then it turned into a happy sort of surprise, and when I fully understood the situation it was massive elation.

Q. The award was announced after a lot of controversy regarding the recipient and the jury was split over the decision. What’s your take on the whole issue?
A. I don’t think there was a controversy and even if there was one, I have no idea about it. Maybe I wasn’t in the country when all this was happening.

Q. Do you feel that the award and recognition was a little late in coming?
A. Oh no, I just don’t think so. Actually I feel that if anything it has come a lot early, I still have a lot to do, loads of more ideas to work on. It sure isn’t late for me.

Q. Critics like to categorise cinema a lot, there’s a new age cinema, parallel cinema, art cinema, commercial cinema and lots of other such titles. Do you think its fair on their part to confuse the viewers like this?
A. Some films fail, others are successful, some find popular appeal, some don’t but we must not judge a film according to its popular appeal. A film’s main aim is to entertain. Besides that it also serves the purpose of expressing one’s views and finally to communicate an idea to people at different levels. Some films appeal to you at a more sensory level, others might work more at an intellectual level. So it all depends on the films storyline and treatment.
A large chunk of the films appeal at the sensory level, you enjoy them, others have an emotional appeal to them. But there’s a small section of films that appeals at a more cerebral level. They are the thinking films, which are difficult to understand and hence don’t have a large following.

Another aspect of films is their vocabulary. Every novel has a style and quality of writing, the same way films also have their quality. All these aspects make up a film. If only popular appeal is looked into, then we loose out on any other aspect of cinema and become superficial at times.



Q. Your cinema has a lyrical quality in its visuals. You use a lot of folk and traditional media. How successful do you think is such poetic depiction of events today? A. I love to be in contact with nature and my environment. I have a great deal of interest in society and the events taking place today as a part of this society. That’s the reason why I feel such tools of cinema are very important.

below average

It just struck me that tis past one week has been an absolute waste of time and talent. I dint do anything useful, except for maybe one or two articles and thats about it. And what's worse is that till now i was happy with my life. Almost content. Is this what i'm supposed to do? Just while away time, idle, do nothing and then waith for the new month to start so that i cn gt hold of my salary cheque.Nope i guess not. well, come next week, i'll just not let myself tire out. I have to work n show more than anybody but my own self that i have the resilience to follow my ideas and the stamina to work and also the hunger to write something new. Hope it all works out fine.